Boundaries · Personal Relationships · Self Care · Uncategorized

It’s not personal, I just don’t want to hang out with you

sisters-984997_1920This is going to sound awful. The thing it, it is not personal, I just don’t want to hang out with you. I really don’t like people. I mean, I like them well enough.  I love working with people, I love my career.  I love being a Mom, a wife, and  a friend. I love giving to others. It’s just, I am an introvert and an extrovert.  I fall right on the line, in between the two on all of those personality scales they make you take in school.  So, the thing is, that after spending the day with people, giving presence and support, at night, I don’t necessarily want to hang out. Most evenings, I just want to sit home, give time to my kids and husband, veg, play on facebook, read, do lone tasks that allow me to nurture my introvert side.

Occasionally, it makes me feel like a bad friend.  At times, I have had people get mad at me because they don’t feel like I am present enough for them.  They deserve that. Everyone deserves friends that are involved and available. You deserve someone that can be fully present, that can listen to your concerns. You deserve a friend that will spend hours with you on the phone. You deserve someone that can really help you problem solve. The thing is, I am not necessarily the person that will be able to meet those expectations. If I have worked all day, or had a particularly hard week, I can’t be that emotional support for you. I can’t hang out and listen to your problems. I can’t encourage you, or be your cheerleader.  I can’t because I am having to focus that energy on being present for myself…I have used all my energy for that day.  I can’t choose you over me. Please know though, it is not really about you, it is my need to recharge and revive. I care deeply about you.  I am setting boundaries with you, so that I can care for me. It is hard for me to set these boundaries, it is hard for me to say  “No.” However, I have learned that sometimes, in the line of work I have chosen, I have to go inward. I have to check out. I have to be self centered. I have to self care, or ultimately, I can not do what I do.

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Please know, that if I can, I will give. If I can do it without draining myself, I will.  When we do hang out though, I want to be fully present. I want t both enjoy you and be enjoyable.  I want to listen, laugh, and spend time with the people I care about in ways that are meaningful. I want to actually be there for you. So if that means that to be present, I have to hang out less, and exchange quality for quantity, I am willing to do so. Just know, if I say no, I can’t hang out, it’s not personal. I am just keeping a promise to myself to self care.  My hope will be that you will do the same.  I will expect you to not want to hang out, need to self care and I will appreciate the time we have. I will not take it personal.

Love and Healing,

Laura

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12 Things I have learned with my years of living with thyroid disease

At 17 years old, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. My body, being the odd body it is, stayed true to form, and showed all the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, none of they signs of hypo.   My diagnosis came at at time when I thought I was invincible. Hearing that I would have to monitor and take a medication for the rest of my life felt like a life sentence. Doctors told me not to worry too much, it was manageable. You take a little pill every day, get blood work done every six months, it is fine, it’s really not a big deal. I guess as far as lifetime illnesses go, they were right, it was not a big deal. Except, well they lied. It is a big deal. There was so much they did not tell me, there is so much that I have learned on this 25 year journey they left out.

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The information I am sharing is from my years of experience. Hopefully, it can help you if you are on this journey.

  1. All kinds of medications interact with your thyroid meds. Read the labels. Shortly after being diagnosed, I was doing a long distance drive. I had a cold and stopped to take some cold medicine. To be exact, Tylenol cough and cold…that was my first experience with the interaction with thyroid and over the counter medications. Initially feeling slightly off progressed into my head tingling, literally feeling the hairs grow out the top of my head and very confused, I had to pull over…my cold had suddenly become an out-of-body experience. Reading the box closer, it said in very small print, may interact with thyroid medications.  It would have been nice to have this warning prior…yeah I know you are supposed to read the labels. However, being young, and thyroid disease being no big deal…I didn’t. I learned.
  2. Blood work is more often than once every 6 months, until you get your thyroid regulated. It is usually every 6-8 weeks until it falls within the “range” . Once you are in the range, doctors will go to once every 6 months, then once a year.
  3. Just because you are in “range” does not mean you will feel good. The range is broad, and some people feel better on the bottom end of the range, some on the top. Often times, medical doctors don’t ask how you are feeling, but they check your blood work, and if you are in the range, “you are good.” This isn’t true. Find a medical provider that will work with you, and ask how your body is feeling.
  4. The range has a spectrum that affects your mood. One end can be brain fog and depression, the other end, crisp thinking but high anxiety. This can happen within the range. If you are experiencing these symptoms, it could be your thyroid.
  5. You need to familiarize yourself with what the ranges…although range differences were recommended back in 2003, (referred to as new ranges) a lot of doctors, insurance plans, and labs use the there are old ranges. The old ranges give a much wider norm, so it can look normal but still be out of range for the new ranges.  Here is a great article on ranges: The TSH Normal Range: Why is there still a controversy?
  6. Thyroid symptoms often look like mental health disorders…Bi-Polar, ADD, depression, and anxiety all have similar symptoms to inappropriately regulated thyroid disease. If you have thyroid disease, before they medicate you for one of the other issues, make sure that your thyroid is properly managed, and that they have played with the range to see if you feel better on one end of the spectrum versus the other.  Many people are misdiagnosed with these disorders, only to find out the root cause is the thyroid. If you are working with a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, make sure they truly understand the impact thyroid disease and management has on mental health.
  7. Thyroid affects your fertility and your ability to carry a pregnancy. I had one doctor insist that I was in the “range” so I was fine. After two years of trying to get pregnant, I insisted on an endocrine specialist…my doctor acted like I was ridiculous. ” You are in range, and this is an easy thing to manage, it isn’t your thyroid. I am not doing it.” After a conflict  with me stating “if you don’t refer me out, I will be having a discussion with the board”, he referred me to a specialist. The specialist was dismayed after my first blood test “You were so hepped up on thyroid meds, there was no way you were getting pregnant.” It took me nine months to get into an acceptable range.  She told me I was where I needed to be at the end of September,  I found out I was pregnant in December.
  8. My experience was that my OB’s were better at managing my medications than my internist. They seem to get the importance of it. After having my first child, I asked my internist to keep me in the same range. He refused. When I asked the specialist to do the same, she did. Quality of life had a huge improvement.
  9. Your thyroid medication is supposed to be taken on an empty stomach, except if you are on a natural one, like nature-throid, which does not need the stomach acid to break through the coating. That being said, sometimes, breaking your dose in half and taking half in the morning and half in the afternoon can help with the mid-day lull.
  10. Sometimes, even when you are doing everything right, you still feel like crap. A lot of doctors, don’t look at the underlying causes of thyroid disease. For many it is a thing called adrenal fatigue, which means that your adrenals are off. No matter how regulated your are, if your adrenals are off, you are going to still feel awful. Finding a doctor that is also open and willing to discuss adrenal fatigue for me was imperative to getting better.
  11. Love yourself. Give yourself permission to be tired and self care…you have an autoimmune disease, it really is a big deal…allow yourself to rest.
  12. Lastly, trust you body. You know it better than any professional. If you are not feeling right, advocate for yourself. Don’t give up. It took me going through 5 doctors before I finally found one that was willing to listen. Once I found a practitioner that was willing to work with me, my health began to change. Hang in there!

Continue reading “12 Things I have learned with my years of living with thyroid disease”

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Finding Your Voice

Hidden deep in our soul, are the whispers of our truth. Spirit does not yell, it nudges, it hints, it guides, and encourages. As babies, as children, we are in tune with the voice of our soul. We know what makes us happy, what makes us sad, what makes us angry and we are able to express it. Infants scream for what they want, the world responds. Two year olds will defiantly yell “no” for things they do not like. They know how to express themselves. Children will say what they think and feel without fear. Ever see one of those kids that will just walk up to another person and say “Hey want to be friends?” Then the two go off to play whatever game it was? Early teenagers will often say what they think, even when they know they won’t like the consequences. We KNOW how to express ourselves coming into the world.
Then something happens. At some point during our childhood a shift happens. The shift happens a different times for each of us, but for almost all of us, it happens. After years of being told not to say this or that, to hush, to follow the rules, that this or that is rude, quit being disrespectful, that that dream is not realistic or you can’t do that and make a living… we shut down our inner voice. We tune it out. We ignore it. We silence it….or at least we attempt to. Many of us do this to adapt to the expectations of this world. We do it to please others. We do it because we are told that is the only way to make it in this world we live in. We do it because we buy the lie…the lie that in order to be happy, we have to silence the whispering of our conscience. Our soul is not so easily silenced though. It persists, it continues to whisper, it continues to nudge…and if we don’t listen, it creates a conflict in us. It creates anxiety, depression and a host of other issues.
Our soul continues to guide us. It speaks to us through our body….our bodies react to situations and energiesthat are both good and bad. If we pay attention,  our body will give us signals that tell us what is right for us, and what is wrong.  Take a moment, consider two equal choices, and really pay attention to your body…did one of the two choices make you feel heavier, more dense? Did one feel lighter?  Tuning into our bodies is one way to really begin to listen to our inner voice.

Another way our soul communicates is through dreams. Images flash before our eyes, sometimes sweet and lulling, other times haunting and jarring…both meant to either verify or help you question your path. Our dreams are symbols for our waking world, ways for us to incorporate our lives in a language our subconscious understands. Our inner reality then responds, sending images to help us.

As you go through your day, my challenge to you would be to really begin to listen your inner voice. To take time to hear the whispers, and notice the synchronicities.

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First Post

Frequently, during the course of the week, themes come up in my counseling sessions. It always amazes me when this phenomena happens. After all theses years, you would think I would have become used to it. I haven’t. At some point in the last couple of weeks, it dawned on me… I have been ignoring one of the first things that I learned about myself during my process of self discovery. You see, these synchronicities are whispers from my spiritual guides, inner voice, God, Goddess, angels’ (you choose). It is my higher power’s way of letting me know something. When repeat patterns happen, it is the Universe’s way of encouraging  me to move forward….to let me know it is time to take action.

Today my action is to share this blog. Hopefully, as it progresses, it will become a place of healing, a place of sharing, a place to enlighten others.

So, as you read my posts, the syncrhonicities,  along with my daily experiences of being a working mom of two,  a wife, a friend, a sister and a  therapist will be the inspiration for my posts. I hope to talk about issues that come up for all of us, issues that may not be easy to talk about, but that are real and are evidence of our humanity. Sometimes the posts will be really therapeutic in nature, and sometimes they will just be real talk. Either way, I hope you find value in them.

Love and healing,

Laura